I’m starting to get tired of being tired. And I’m in tears and in pain. But spare me some sleep. An escape.. A retreat..
Kailan titila ang pagbuhos ng ulan
Na akala mo’y wala ng mapaglagyan
Kailan mahahawi ang kalangitan
Para dumungaw ang araw, at ngiti’y muling masilayan
Kailan guguhit ang pitong tulay ng kalangitan
Na siyang kukulay sa magulong kaisipan
Kailan muling guguhit
Ang mga ngiting hindi umiimik
Kailan titila ang malakas na pagbuhos
Ang pusong nadurog na ng lubos
Kailan masasagot ang mga katanungan
Mga bagay na pilit pinahahalagahan
Unti unti nang nabubura ng tubig ulan
Tama na, pagod na pagod na
Wala ka bang balak magpahinga?
Kailan titila ang napakalakas na ulan
Para muling umukit ng bahaghari na animo’y walang katapusan
(Yung body clock ko po ay wala na sa matinong kalagayan..parang yung isip kong lumilipad patungo sa nakaraan at pilit gumigising para sa kasalukuyan.. At para paghandaan ang kinabukusan.)
Sometimes, I wish I was gone 15 years ago. Ironically, there are things that would remind me how I should cherish the time.
It’s a sad thought.
It’s sad because it’s becoming more often..
There would always be an unfinished matter. School, workload, chores. Or the undying unfinished thoughts at night.
When I was in high school, I tend to wait for my late night thoughts to subside before I encourage my little nerves to sleep. Maybe because high school hasn’t brought yet the verge of life. But it’s still a life. A very vital part of what you’ve become today. But as you grow older, priorities change, responsibilities seem to look bigger, terrain spreads wider and circumstances become malignant.
So after getting out of the sweety-easy life in high school, it brings you to a wilder phase of life. Wilder because remember those flesh-eating mammals in Africa you see in National Geographic Channel? That’s why. Survival.
But in the midst of such roaring canine, it’s a start of a deep understanding of wilderness.
And those late night thought? Unfinished thoughts?
You would realize, it’s the most beautiful thing you could imagine when restlessness eats you up.
You would realize that high school could be somewhat secluded, but it reminds you how to be soft, to be warm, to be like a kid who’s vulnerable and sweet and kind and a lot more.
‘Thus, unfinished thoughts.
Well, some thoughts are meant to be unfinished.
“thank you universe for sending a rainbow in my cloud”
Sometimes you will find a friend in the middle of nowhere. Most of the times, it happens at the very least moment of your life.
Maybe because it helps you to realize that friendship doesn’t work with big things. Big gifts. Big shits. Big lies.
But just a simple and ample connection. Just that.
It doesn’t speak time. Space. Age. Place. Nor race.
I have a few. Not that much I guess.
I’m a lil’ bit obsessed of being alone.
But my crazy friends are enough to make my life so loud.
Few. But loud.
Hey, thank you din. 🙂 ❤
“If not, then the pain you’ve felt was all worth it.”
I just finished watching it on that hard, black, and cold idiot box. I had to search for the part where in the lady broke the engagement with her fiance (because my lovely mother called me to get some wet clothes and get it dry. Very lovely. )
That was the title.
Let’s just say it wasn’t the best movie. (in my perspective of what is best)
But it was a great movie showing and defining what CHOICE is.
Salute to that.
I personally care for the word “choice”.A lot of us get sweaty whenever caught in a situation full of bulls. And an imaginary mediator becomes more aggressive and persistent on you in making the decision as you try to think harder. (I don’t know why I used the term mediator. Maybe because it has something to do with an argument between the options you have and the consequences it entail. Just hell you know. And a nonexistent peacemaker will do. At least. To make your decisions easier. Nahhh.)
I have great experiences about it. Making choices.
It taught me how to be a human. It showed me consequences. Or as to what the movie said.. the word “opportunity”.
It will take a million breath-taking leap to decide whether you wanna let go on something, or hold on it as much as you could.
Sometimes we just let the wind do the decision making. Or we just let it be. Because we’re lost. We are lost completely.
In nowhere? tss it just needs some time. And you’ll be able to determine the right choice. After all, it’s your life at stake.
Or maybe, you randomly chose and then after what you’ve chosen..you just endure the pain. Believing that it will all go away after a century.
It will. Believe me it will. Somewhere after the long pain.
There’s these “that was fun and sad” moments.
But the question is ..
Do you regret it?
If you do, then start questioning yourself: Why did you do it?
If not, then the pain you’ve felt was all worth it. 🙂
A lot of people say I have a heart of stone. (Okay, you win.) I guess you’re right. And I hope my heart could literally turn into a rock. As hard as it could be.. until I learn not to feel even the slightest emotion.
So every time people leave, I could just look at their footsteps and be fine.
I’m glad that it would make things easier for you. God bless your family. But I don’t want to ignore the sadness it’s causing me. And I know that all I could do is to miss your presence, your laugh, your endless stories..
I will miss you Ma’am! 🙂 haha daldal mo eh, at ang sinigang mo. Kapag kinalimutan mo ko, ah hindi. Hindi mo ko makakalimutan, kasi wala ka ng kasing baliw pang kaibigan. Ako lang! Hahaha See you when I see you! :*