Kwentong Kamay

“Ang kamay na bumitaw sa’yo ay hindi makakawala kung hawak hawak pa rin ‘to ng kamay mo..”

Hugot. Oo na sige na. Pero may tama naman sa sinabi ko..haha (ipush ko pa opinion ko)

Sino bang gustong bitawan? Sino bang gustong iwanan? Sino bang gustong masaktan? Kung meron man, siya yung totoong bato, hindi ako. Haha syempre wala! Walang may gustong umiyak habang nasa jeep. Umiyak sa library o opisina ng patago. Umiyak sa banyo bago maligo. Umiyak sa gabi na parang wala ng sisikat na araw kinabukasan. Wala talaga. Wala.

Pero kailan ba tayo nasasaktan? Kapag nasugatan? Kapag nawalan? Kapag iniwanan?

Maraming tanong. Maraming lumalarong tanong sa isipan. Pero sana huwag mong kalimutan, na habang hinahanap mo ang mga sagot sa tanong mo, pilit niya ring sinasagutan ang isang malaking palaisipan, na parang walang katapusan.

Sabi nga, ang kamay na hinampas mo sa pader, kahit gaano katigas ‘to, parehas lang din kayong naramdaman, kahit mukhang wala siyang pakialam.

Siguro, sa lahat din naman ng bagay dalawang panig ang sangkot. Hindi lang isa, dalawa. Minsan nga tatlo o higit pa. Hindi lang ikaw, pati rin naman siya.

Parehas may rason at dahilan. Parehas may pinanghuhugutan. Parehas may pinanggagalingan. Parang itim at puti. Yin at Yan. (tama ba) Kutsara at tinidor. Balde at tabo. Kanin at ulam. Papel at pluma. Po at Opo.

Kaya sa dalawang kamay na minsang mahigpit na nakahawak sa isa’t isa, dumarating sa puntong meron at merong mapapagod. Napapagod at bumibitaw. Bumitaw siya, eh ikaw, hinawakan mo pa rin ba? O sadyang ikaw din bumitaw na.

Dahil ang kamay na bumitaw sa’yo ay hindi makakawala kung hawak hawak pa rin ‘to ng kamay mo..

Pero ganun talaga. Masakit. Kaya minsan mapapamura ka nalang sa sakit. Hanggang sa humugot ka nalang kahit ang bitter ng pakinggan. Pero ang mahalaga dun, ginawa mo ang lahat para kumapit. Kumapit ka parin na para kang nakikisabit sa jeep, kahit nakakapagod na, kahit mukha ka ng tanga sa mata ng iba. Para sa oras na dumating sa puntong bababa ka na, handa ka ng isigaw:

“Manong drayber, Para!”

Hindi dahil sa pagod ka na. Kundi dahil alam mo sa sarili mong:

“Eto na ‘to, Tama na. P*%@#!&@!”

Oh, ako na naman yung bitter. Haha hindi ba pwedeng hugot para sa ibang taong nasaktan? 😛

Osya, pagaling na kayo! Kaya niyo yan. 🙂

A Simple Truth About Happiness: When everything feels right

Before I take my deprived rights on sleeping, I would like to kiss my tears away by spending some minutes on my page while I’m trying to convince you (whoever’s reading) that my post has something to do with your life.. and your feelings.. And your thoughts. Haha nyanya

I am pondering about how people find happiness in different ways. Some find it in shoes stored in cabinets with skeletons. Some find it in food like “Arrghh food is forever and I want to marry as many food as I want because I love to eat and it makes me fat”. Or people find it in books and coffee and cookies and music and beaches and cars and places..

Want some more?

Cosmetics and dogs and cats and alcohol and smoke and dresses and photographs and curtains and papers and stickers and spoons and movies..

Or maybe we could find happiness in family and friendship and work and love and tranquility and peace and time and trust and hope and faith..

And I could add some more and finish this post in year 3000 or even more.

Maybe because we always try to find happiness in everything.

But today somebody reminded me that happiness will never be a “find me” puzzle. Because happiness (I would say) happens not completely because it’s the right time nor person nor place nor situation.

But simply because IT FEELS RIGHT. And it takes tons of courage and guts to jump into that it-feels-right feeling.

(And when something goes wrong that’s the time we forget what happiness is.)

-TOO MUCH FOR TODAY. A very loooong start of the week. My happiness is sleep. 🙂 ❤

Kwentong Munggo

It’s a kind of pain you would hope to vanish each day but all you have are your tears at night..later to realize na masyado na namang madrama yung post mo tapos naisipan mong magtanim ng munggo ngayong 2017 pero alam mong kahit anong gawin mong pag-ingat at pag-alaga sa p&%*ng#@#?! munggo eh ayaw niya pa rin mag-grow. Na parang gusto mong ilublob na lang sa Growee na may Myra E at may konting vitamin B complex para magkaroon ng pag-asang magsprout pero 0% chance kaya naisipan mo na lang magtanim ng cactus with super strong na feelings.

And then there’s pain again.

(3 years pa palugit mo, diba?)

-haha tulog na ulit ako. Shattap! 😀

A secret letter to Superman

“You were the air that I wanted to breathe. But I never heard that you wanted to fill those breaths.”

These thoughts keep on banging my inner brain cells since yesterday. A significant time few years ago, when I felt a very strange heart beat within my soul. (And the rest was history.) If that person, in God’s time, finds his way to read this particular writing.. Hey, you’re crossing my restless mind. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so hard and a stubborn stone-heart ass. It was in my full intention to know you better. But my but’s and if’s pulled me. And I did realize, I missed out a very important thing in life..

To love yourself. To remind yourself that you are capable of loving and being loved.

I have forgotten that.

So I do remember you because once you have reminded me of those significant things. Thank you. ‘Til then, Superman.

-Meeee! Thank you po sa hair spa and everything else. ❤ Naalala 'kong tao ako. 🙂 haha

Untitled, just some random thoughts and this series

“It is when you finally let yourself fall from the sky of randomness without fear. You just fall and love. You live and then survive.”

Believe me or not, it took me over an hour to think of the title for this one. I think I failed. *laughs*

I’m still having my Stendhal syndrome caused by the series I have just watched and soaked myself with tears because it was one of the series I would watch even after a decade.

For a week, Descendants of the Sun was my snack box after I got home from work. It wasn’t a typical love triangle, turning into square, pentagon until it becomes a decagon. Nor a classical drama of being a rug to riches.

It’s more of a real life story colored with love, pain, sacrifices, tears, happiness, strength, promises, courage, dignity and trust. (If you have watched it, you would know.)

It has shown that life means nothing if we’re not dedicated, passionate and true to what we do. Whatever path we deal with, it takes a courageous heart and a strong will to protect what we love, whom we love..

It has shown how a person can be so bold—cross a war, outstand an earthquake.. but then our deepest fear is to lose the person who carries our heart. Maybe we’re not afraid of losing ourselves, but we’re scared to lose someone. And to see that person burst into tears just because we’re not there.

This series or this movie or whatever you call it, will get old. Maybe some people will not be able to watch it. I’m just glad that I have had a glance of such. Whoever thought of the story, it’s brilliant. Sooo brilliant.

It kinda taught me of something though

..that love really entails trust. And you’ll always learn it the hard way.

And.. It is when you finally let yourself fall from the sky of randomness without fear. You just fall and love. You live and then survive.