Kailan?

Kailan titila ang pagbuhos ng ulan
Na akala mo’y wala ng mapaglagyan

Kailan mahahawi ang kalangitan
Para dumungaw ang araw, at ngiti’y muling masilayan

Kailan guguhit ang pitong tulay ng kalangitan
Na siyang kukulay sa magulong kaisipan

Kailan, kailan..
Kailan muling guguhit
Ang mga ngiting hindi umiimik

Kailan, kailan..
Kailan titila ang malakas na pagbuhos
Ang pusong nadurog na ng lubos

Kailan, kailan..
Kailan masasagot ang mga katanungan
Mga bagay na pilit pinahahalagahan
Unti unti nang nabubura ng tubig ulan

Tama na, pagod na pagod na
Wala ka bang balak magpahinga?

Kailan, kailan
Kailan titila ang napakalakas na ulan
Para muling umukit ng bahaghari na animo’y walang katapusan

(Yung body clock ko po ay wala na sa matinong kalagayan..parang yung isip kong lumilipad patungo sa nakaraan at pilit gumigising para sa kasalukuyan.. At para paghandaan ang kinabukusan.)

The verge of being a Wanderlust in 13 to 50 different ways.

“As you wander and you are lost, you can’t help but to see a stranger in 13 to 50 different ways.”

It became a crucial thought to me about being lost as I travelled to my aunt’s house yesterday. (I arrived safe, if that’s your question.)

I realized a lot of things more than how I have been thinking about time.

First, as you wander and you are lost, you can’t help but to see a stranger in 13 to 50 different ways. You have to learn how to see through them. Learn how to trust even if you’re at the verge of nowhere.

Second, time never gets old. People do. So if you want to wander, it’s now or never.

This is a hard punch on my face. I have lived a life full of grid. And I’ve always thought it was okay. I suffered hesitations for 15 years. I realized maybe it’s about time to put a hedgehog on top of my head and dance like a baboon.

Third, I learned deeper than mantle of the earth, that family and friends are the best creations you could have. Savor it. Live with it. Laugh with it. Love it.

I have fought Aneurysm for a decade and a half now. It’s never been easy since I gained it young, I had to force myself to think like an adult. To know this and that. And if I tell you right now everything I have realized yesterday, you could tell how crazy my brain cells work. Because it’s just crazy.

But one thing I would like to have now for sure, I don’t give a damn how long I could conquer the challenge of Vascular Aneurysm. But I would like to pray deeply, that He would give me enough time to say thank you to every single person who prolonged my existence. To people who always give me reasons to go on. To people who don’t just make me feel gay, but define what really happiness is. To people whom I could trust when right paths are nowhere to be found. To people who love me in 13 to 50 different ways. ❤ ❤ ❤

Thank you! 🙂

2017: Chasing Happiness

“Because it’s not just everybody deserves to be happy, but everyone has a chance to grab happiness and chose to have it.”

2016.

A year full of chances and opportunities. It brought me lessons I would bring through the succeeding years. It taught me a lot of things. Things that are more important than what our naked eyes could see. It even took me to places with little essence of paradise. And most importantly, it has given me a chance to make things right and straighten crooked lines from 2015.

I learned that your best friend could forget your birthday, but it doesn’t matter anymore after a 13 second sad momentum because you love her more than what odds could bring. I learned that not all would stay the same. It’s not that you aren’t aware of the phenomenal changes on earth, but you always chose to believe it has to be like this because it was fucking like this before. But no, you don’t need changes-acceptance. You had that. What you need is a little sprinkle of reality that “change” is a status quo. However, it only works through your mind, but not to your heart. Because what you feel would fade, but nah-uh..it wouldn’t change. (Like, you loved Chuckie drink, it fades but you’ll never forget the feeling every time you take a chocolatey sip.) 2016 brought me a piece of opportunity to “fix myself” though. You could start with my job, new acquaintances, friendship, and you could include love. Oh, that freaking feeling.

Nevertheless, 2016 taught me that love is and will never be adjacent to fate. You feel it, but it was never crafted across your lead. You have to explore it, you have to fight for it, you have to chose it and most of all you have to let him/her know that you’re willing to do what you have just read. *laughs* sort of like that. Am I going to do it? I don’t know yet. 2017 knows.

Friendship. Chances. Fate. Love. What else did I learn?

Oh, yah. One more thing.

I learned that not wearing a watch makes you more human. Haha believe me or not you have to believe me. Time flies baby. And you’ll never know what you’re missing within 3 seconds every time you look at your watch, every time you feel the pressure of time. Breathe. Think. And then breathe again.

Time is a man-made grid. Not bad to forget it some time.

Lastly, I want to take this as an opportunity to tell you (whoever’s reading) that life could be miserable, sad and arrogant most of the time.. but have the right to chose happiness. Because it’s not just everybody deserves to be happy, but everyone has a chance to grab and chose to have it.

Say thank you to last year, and say hi to 2017. A year full of chances. Full of choices. *** Well, it’s always been, pal! 🙂 ***

Tulang walang pamagat

Tulang walang pamagat
Na animo’y hilom sa malalim na sugat
Pusong nawawala sa parang
Sana’y liparin na ng hangin patungo sa pampang
Para doon ay lubusang makalimot
Sa kasalukuyang puno ng poot
Panaghoy ng pusong ligaw
Hangin, kailan matatanaw?
Ang paglubog at paghalik ng araw
Sa dagat na puno ng alon
Saan na nga ba paroroon
Ang tulang walang pamagat
Sana’y dalhin na ng hangin sa ulap
Ang pusong puno ng pighati at sugat
Upang tuluyan ng makalimot
Sa lumalamong malahalimaw na poot

Untitled, just me and the wind

Habang nakaupo sa parihabang bangko
Matamis na tinig ang dala ng hangin
Sa pagpikit ng aking mga mata
Parang mga tanong na ayaw magpasinungaling
Kay sarap pakinggan ang bawat kaluskos
Mga salitang, ni hindi mo maintindihang lubos
Salita ng hangin, wari’y iisa
Parang misteryo na nakapaloob sa mga tala
Hanging malaya, mga matang nangungusap
Waring gumuguhit ng tadhana
Mga tanong sayong tinig
Tama ba ang aking pagkakarinig
Nais malaman, kung saan mo balak dalhin
Mga tanong na dala mo, kailan sasagutin
Sana sa muling pagkrus nating dalawa
Mga sagot na ito’y iyong dala na..

A restless soul

A restless soul ashore
Walks through the cold water
Thinks about where to anchor
Fondles her heart of mystic sore

And as she sees the ocean waves
Hastening her long kept laden love
For a mere mortal she had thought of
But restless soul, just so cluttered and disarrayed

-Just one more year.