Kailan?

Kailan titila ang pagbuhos ng ulan
Na akala mo’y wala ng mapaglagyan

Kailan mahahawi ang kalangitan
Para dumungaw ang araw, at ngiti’y muling masilayan

Kailan guguhit ang pitong tulay ng kalangitan
Na siyang kukulay sa magulong kaisipan

Kailan, kailan..
Kailan muling guguhit
Ang mga ngiting hindi umiimik

Kailan, kailan..
Kailan titila ang malakas na pagbuhos
Ang pusong nadurog na ng lubos

Kailan, kailan..
Kailan masasagot ang mga katanungan
Mga bagay na pilit pinahahalagahan
Unti unti nang nabubura ng tubig ulan

Tama na, pagod na pagod na
Wala ka bang balak magpahinga?

Kailan, kailan
Kailan titila ang napakalakas na ulan
Para muling umukit ng bahaghari na animo’y walang katapusan

(Yung body clock ko po ay wala na sa matinong kalagayan..parang yung isip kong lumilipad patungo sa nakaraan at pilit gumigising para sa kasalukuyan.. At para paghandaan ang kinabukusan.)

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Kwentong Kamay

“Ang kamay na bumitaw sa’yo ay hindi makakawala kung hawak hawak pa rin ‘to ng kamay mo..”

Hugot. Oo na sige na. Pero may tama naman sa sinabi ko..haha (ipush ko pa opinion ko)

Sino bang gustong bitawan? Sino bang gustong iwanan? Sino bang gustong masaktan? Kung meron man, siya yung totoong bato, hindi ako. Haha syempre wala! Walang may gustong umiyak habang nasa jeep. Umiyak sa library o opisina ng patago. Umiyak sa banyo bago maligo. Umiyak sa gabi na parang wala ng sisikat na araw kinabukasan. Wala talaga. Wala.

Pero kailan ba tayo nasasaktan? Kapag nasugatan? Kapag nawalan? Kapag iniwanan?

Maraming tanong. Maraming lumalarong tanong sa isipan. Pero sana huwag mong kalimutan, na habang hinahanap mo ang mga sagot sa tanong mo, pilit niya ring sinasagutan ang isang malaking palaisipan, na parang walang katapusan.

Sabi nga, ang kamay na hinampas mo sa pader, kahit gaano katigas ‘to, parehas lang din kayong naramdaman, kahit mukhang wala siyang pakialam.

Siguro, sa lahat din naman ng bagay dalawang panig ang sangkot. Hindi lang isa, dalawa. Minsan nga tatlo o higit pa. Hindi lang ikaw, pati rin naman siya.

Parehas may rason at dahilan. Parehas may pinanghuhugutan. Parehas may pinanggagalingan. Parang itim at puti. Yin at Yan. (tama ba) Kutsara at tinidor. Balde at tabo. Kanin at ulam. Papel at pluma. Po at Opo.

Kaya sa dalawang kamay na minsang mahigpit na nakahawak sa isa’t isa, dumarating sa puntong meron at merong mapapagod. Napapagod at bumibitaw. Bumitaw siya, eh ikaw, hinawakan mo pa rin ba? O sadyang ikaw din bumitaw na.

Dahil ang kamay na bumitaw sa’yo ay hindi makakawala kung hawak hawak pa rin ‘to ng kamay mo..

Pero ganun talaga. Masakit. Kaya minsan mapapamura ka nalang sa sakit. Hanggang sa humugot ka nalang kahit ang bitter ng pakinggan. Pero ang mahalaga dun, ginawa mo ang lahat para kumapit. Kumapit ka parin na para kang nakikisabit sa jeep, kahit nakakapagod na, kahit mukha ka ng tanga sa mata ng iba. Para sa oras na dumating sa puntong bababa ka na, handa ka ng isigaw:

“Manong drayber, Para!”

Hindi dahil sa pagod ka na. Kundi dahil alam mo sa sarili mong:

“Eto na ‘to, Tama na. P*%@#!&@!”

Oh, ako na naman yung bitter. Haha hindi ba pwedeng hugot para sa ibang taong nasaktan? 😛

Osya, pagaling na kayo! Kaya niyo yan. 🙂

2017: Chasing Happiness

“Because it’s not just everybody deserves to be happy, but everyone has a chance to grab happiness and chose to have it.”

2016.

A year full of chances and opportunities. It brought me lessons I would bring through the succeeding years. It taught me a lot of things. Things that are more important than what our naked eyes could see. It even took me to places with little essence of paradise. And most importantly, it has given me a chance to make things right and straighten crooked lines from 2015.

I learned that your best friend could forget your birthday, but it doesn’t matter anymore after a 13 second sad momentum because you love her more than what odds could bring. I learned that not all would stay the same. It’s not that you aren’t aware of the phenomenal changes on earth, but you always chose to believe it has to be like this because it was fucking like this before. But no, you don’t need changes-acceptance. You had that. What you need is a little sprinkle of reality that “change” is a status quo. However, it only works through your mind, but not to your heart. Because what you feel would fade, but nah-uh..it wouldn’t change. (Like, you loved Chuckie drink, it fades but you’ll never forget the feeling every time you take a chocolatey sip.) 2016 brought me a piece of opportunity to “fix myself” though. You could start with my job, new acquaintances, friendship, and you could include love. Oh, that freaking feeling.

Nevertheless, 2016 taught me that love is and will never be adjacent to fate. You feel it, but it was never crafted across your lead. You have to explore it, you have to fight for it, you have to chose it and most of all you have to let him/her know that you’re willing to do what you have just read. *laughs* sort of like that. Am I going to do it? I don’t know yet. 2017 knows.

Friendship. Chances. Fate. Love. What else did I learn?

Oh, yah. One more thing.

I learned that not wearing a watch makes you more human. Haha believe me or not you have to believe me. Time flies baby. And you’ll never know what you’re missing within 3 seconds every time you look at your watch, every time you feel the pressure of time. Breathe. Think. And then breathe again.

Time is a man-made grid. Not bad to forget it some time.

Lastly, I want to take this as an opportunity to tell you (whoever’s reading) that life could be miserable, sad and arrogant most of the time.. but have the right to chose happiness. Because it’s not just everybody deserves to be happy, but everyone has a chance to grab and chose to have it.

Say thank you to last year, and say hi to 2017. A year full of chances. Full of choices. *** Well, it’s always been, pal! 🙂 ***

Eclipse

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|Meeting half way..|

|It needs a little of waiting, a bit of compromising, and a bunch of understanding.|

|Pero hindi lahat marunong maghintay.|

|Kadalasan atat.|

|Lol. Pagbigyan ang bitter. Ay, este, puyat. hahaha|

|Antok na ko. So, I’ll sleep na. Mamaya na ang term paper.|

|Eto na ba ang bagong format natin Ge?|

|Pahirapan.|

|Tatam. Pahilot si Ate. May bente at trolli candy ka sakin. ❤ |

Do you believe in fate?

Do you believe in fate, Neo?

“No.”

Why not?

“Because I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control of my life.”

(The Matrix)

It was brought up by one of our mentors. I guess it was an appetizer to our main course. He had to discuss the went-well and even-better stuff of our whole shift. And I would say, the idea caught my attention there. Hihi 🙂 (Okay, tama na Ge.) and yeah, do you believe in fate?

Fate.

Destiny.

Serendipity.

Three words that popped out in my head when early morning struck the clock. Tug-of-war telling you, there are no such things. But how about the stranger who offered a seat in a bus, in the middle of a traffic jam.. the train you’ve missed and because of that misfortune, you discovered a new route.. Or the family dinner you missed out? Because you had a date that night.. Or what about the song that kept on whispering your ear got dull while lying on bed because your mind wandered off to dream about the most beautiful mess in life..

Yeah. We make our decisions. We make our choices. That’s why we somehow create the path we want to have ahead of us. But what’s beyond that path?

Fate? Naah. We always try to follow that. Destiny? We always try to find it. But serendipity?

I’d say, it reminds us that life is more than what choices we make .. more than the shooting stars we wish for..

It’s like taking a guess, when the only answer is yes.

-Good day! Sleepy and tired :-/ 😐

Kwentong Shitty Feeling

“Minsan kailangan mong pigilan ang nararamdaman mo, kahit hirap na hirap ka na..”

Lower abdominal pain. Haha pinaganda. Tolerable. Pero kasi mahirap yun. Haha Deh ang totoo nyan, kailangan ko na talaga magbanyo kanina. >:)) Eh mahirap umupo sa trono ng hindi sayo. Kaya kailangan kong maghintay ng limang oras bago ko marating ang bahay. Shitty feeling talaga. 😦

Di sanay. Di kumportable. Di mapakali. Na kailangan kong pigilan yung nararamdaman ko..kahit hirap na hirap na ‘ko.. 

-haha naalala ko ‘to

eh tulog na Ge. Okay na :)) kairitaaa