“Half of this world we have dusk and half of it we have grace. And that certain horizon that binds the two, it’s the soul of serenity and eternal love.”
Few months ago, I gambled half of my life, half of my time or maybe half of my nature and half of my heart. Half of my heart because I have risked everything to an unknown. Nonetheless, it is a waste of time to be very detailed now. And yes, it was a big risk. Some would say, it wouldn’t matter anyhow. Some would say, it was a choice but never a risk. Some would say, I got nothing but nothing. Well, one thing I’ve learned there, was to make something out of nothing. You know, waiting for your turn for the next ring and all you got is your gut to convince a stranger to take your deal. And it was difficult. A real deal for the word “”difficult”. I also tried to struggle and brawl once for worthless mediocrity. The rest is history, what a rubbish of me.
That was my Dusk. An untamed thing.
Every day, I had to wake up, forcing my rigid body to get my hands on those keys, punching all day, listening to different voices, hearing numerous stories. And I won’t lie. I actually got to a certain point that I told myself, “I’m done.” But guess what, something good kept me going then… Something good urged me to get off my bed and to condition myself around. *At ibalato mo na sa akin kung ano yun, okay lang?*
That was my Grace. Sweet grace, I’d say.
Nevertheless, things change. I am aware of it. I may be naïve but I’m not that imprudent.
Change. Fortress as it is. You can’t knock it off.
But then I really don’t give a shit on that… until I do. Not rattled, but disconcerted. And what was left was for me to take another risk, to struggle another phase and the decency to pacify.
And that was my Horizon.
My entire sojourn wasn’t as perfect as what I had expected. But I don’t regret staying and tossing up. So much for the things I learned, I don’t want to enumerate all those stuff here. *laughs*. Because I’ve learned a lot, if that’s what you want to hear. And believe me, I gained such lessons in the most bent and sickest way. But if there’s one thing that keeps on hanging around my consciousness, it is the fact that we are not entitled to whole things. Every time we fail, entailed to that is success, if there’s night there’s day, if there’s dropped call there’s a well-done deal, if there’s E there’s A, if there’s confusion there’s understanding, if there’s hatred there’s love, if there’s doubt there’s trust, if there’s pain there’s joy, if there’s one there’s the other, and so on and so forth. And in between those halves there’s this certain skyline where they collide. And for all you know, once you’ve reached the skyline, everything seems to be done and tranquil.
Because half of this world we have dusk and half of it we have grace. And that certain horizon that binds the two, it’s the soul of serenity and eternal love.