Vagabond

“I want to be someone’s memory rather than a daily routine.”

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|Photo Credits|E.N|

 

Before I eat another cookie, I would like to say thank you to all the gods and deities who made this week a little extraordinary than my daily routine. Reminding me that I have a 24-hour right to breathe and to forget about all the turmoils. And it made me think somehow. It made me think of good things.

Somebody asked me, what’s your wish on your special day? I answered:

World peace.

Maybe it humored him a bit and asked again, what’s your wish? For yourself. And I answered:

Inner peace.

 

I wish for everyone’s peace of mind. Because that will help them to regain health.

I wish for my inner peace so I can extend myself more to others.

Few months ago, I spoke to one of my colleagues (she’s a good friend too) in the balcony where I usually drench myself at lunch. She said looking at the skyline, she wanted to make a dent and to create a change. It’s a great thought, I’d say. And I told her to pursue her dreams. She’s continuing her studies now and I hope for all the blessings and odds to be on her side. She’s a good kid.

And it made me think…

I also want to make a dent. But not that big. Nor to create a change in large scale.

My lifetime will never be enough:

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But a simple dent to someone’s heart.

A dent that couldn’t change everything but could remind that person from time to time that it’s okay.

That it’s okay to eat pizza with a lot of pepper. That it’s okay to drink Chuckie even if you turn 80. That it’s okay to cry in public. That it’s okay to be hurt. (Because sooner or later it will be okay.) That it’s okay to get nightmares. That it’s okay to get tired. (Simply because we’re human.) That it’s okay to get crazy in love. It’s okay to commit mistakes. (As long as you treat it as a friendly reminder the next day.) That it’s okay to be in pain. (It strengthens your soul.)

It’s okay. It’s okay because that’s how life works.

(And I just used the word “okay” thirteen times. Haha)

I want to be someone’s memory rather than a daily routine.

P.S.

Thank you for all the greetings! God bless you all. 🙂

 

**And why Vagabond? Wala lang. Gusto ko lang yung word. Haha It describes exactly my thoughts. Blog ko naman ‘to kaya walang pakialamanan sa titulo.

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A Simple Truth About Happiness: When everything feels right

Before I take my deprived rights on sleeping, I would like to kiss my tears away by spending some minutes on my page while I’m trying to convince you (whoever’s reading) that my post has something to do with your life.. and your feelings.. And your thoughts. Haha nyanya

I am pondering about how people find happiness in different ways. Some find it in shoes stored in cabinets with skeletons. Some find it in food like “Arrghh food is forever and I want to marry as many food as I want because I love to eat and it makes me fat”. Or people find it in books and coffee and cookies and music and beaches and cars and places..

Want some more?

Cosmetics and dogs and cats and alcohol and smoke and dresses and photographs and curtains and papers and stickers and spoons and movies..

Or maybe we could find happiness in family and friendship and work and love and tranquility and peace and time and trust and hope and faith..

And I could add some more and finish this post in year 3000 or even more.

Maybe because we always try to find happiness in everything.

But today somebody reminded me that happiness will never be a “find me” puzzle. Because happiness (I would say) happens not completely because it’s the right time nor person nor place nor situation.

But simply because IT FEELS RIGHT. And it takes tons of courage and guts to jump into that it-feels-right feeling.

(And when something goes wrong that’s the time we forget what happiness is.)

-TOO MUCH FOR TODAY. A very loooong start of the week. My happiness is sleep. 🙂 ❤

2017: Chasing Happiness

“Because it’s not just everybody deserves to be happy, but everyone has a chance to grab happiness and chose to have it.”

2016.

A year full of chances and opportunities. It brought me lessons I would bring through the succeeding years. It taught me a lot of things. Things that are more important than what our naked eyes could see. It even took me to places with little essence of paradise. And most importantly, it has given me a chance to make things right and straighten crooked lines from 2015.

I learned that your best friend could forget your birthday, but it doesn’t matter anymore after a 13 second sad momentum because you love her more than what odds could bring. I learned that not all would stay the same. It’s not that you aren’t aware of the phenomenal changes on earth, but you always chose to believe it has to be like this because it was fucking like this before. But no, you don’t need changes-acceptance. You had that. What you need is a little sprinkle of reality that “change” is a status quo. However, it only works through your mind, but not to your heart. Because what you feel would fade, but nah-uh..it wouldn’t change. (Like, you loved Chuckie drink, it fades but you’ll never forget the feeling every time you take a chocolatey sip.) 2016 brought me a piece of opportunity to “fix myself” though. You could start with my job, new acquaintances, friendship, and you could include love. Oh, that freaking feeling.

Nevertheless, 2016 taught me that love is and will never be adjacent to fate. You feel it, but it was never crafted across your lead. You have to explore it, you have to fight for it, you have to chose it and most of all you have to let him/her know that you’re willing to do what you have just read. *laughs* sort of like that. Am I going to do it? I don’t know yet. 2017 knows.

Friendship. Chances. Fate. Love. What else did I learn?

Oh, yah. One more thing.

I learned that not wearing a watch makes you more human. Haha believe me or not you have to believe me. Time flies baby. And you’ll never know what you’re missing within 3 seconds every time you look at your watch, every time you feel the pressure of time. Breathe. Think. And then breathe again.

Time is a man-made grid. Not bad to forget it some time.

Lastly, I want to take this as an opportunity to tell you (whoever’s reading) that life could be miserable, sad and arrogant most of the time.. but have the right to chose happiness. Because it’s not just everybody deserves to be happy, but everyone has a chance to grab and chose to have it.

Say thank you to last year, and say hi to 2017. A year full of chances. Full of choices. *** Well, it’s always been, pal! 🙂 ***

Kwentong Pancit Canton: Isang seryosong panawagan

“Lumaki na siya. Iba na. Iba na ang lasa.”

 

Habang mahimbing na natutulog ang nanay kong kulot, tatay kong panot at pamangin kong mataba (haha) kasalukuyan kong hinihintay maluto ang Pancit Canton na nakuha ko mula sa raffle sa opisina. Lumaki na siya. Iba na.

 

Iba na ang lasa.

 

Isa ‘kong fan ng Pancit Canton. Halos lahat ata ng flavor nakain ko na. Pero ang pinakapaborito ko sa lahat ang Calamansi.Ito ang kinakain ko sa tuwing wala akong kasama sa bahay. (Hindi kasi ako marunong magluto.) Ito  ang tumawid ng puyat-days ko nung Nursing student pa ‘ko. Ito rin ang nagtaguyod ng pagsusunog ko ng kilay nung nag-aaral ako ng Accounting sa college. Ito rin siguro yung naging panawid gutom naming magkakaibigan sa tuwing pupunta kami sa mga bahay bahay ng bawat isa lalo na pag may school projects. At higit sa lahat, eto ang kinakain ko ngayon.

 

Malaki na ang packaging nito. Mas mataba ang mga noodles. Nung una ko ‘to makita sa tindahan, feeling ko lumaki din mata ko. Kasi yung dating tasa na pinaghahainan ko ng Pancit Canton, naisip kong mapupuno ko na siya!!!! Naexcite ako. Sobra.

 

Pero parang nag-iba yung lasa. Hindi ko po alam kung kulang yung sahog o masyadong marami at mataba yung noodles kayo hindi kinaya ng sauce.

 

Ganun pa man, kung mababasa niyo po ‘to, mahal ko pa rin ang Pancit Canton. Kahit nag-iba na ang lasa. Medyo nasaktan lang ako. Eh kung ibang noodles yan, ano bang pakialam ko. Hindi ko naman kinakain yun. (Pero nakain naman ako ng Yakisoba minsan.) Kaso hindi ko lang inexpect na manggagaling sa inyo na mabago ang lasa. Walang kwenta o madrama man ‘to, pero ang noodles na ‘to ay isa sa bumuo ng aking pagkatao. Kasi dito ko mas nakilala ang mga kaibigan kong baliw, dito ko natutunan na kahit gabi na, may karapatan kang gumising at kumain, na kahit anong anghang ng Pancit Canton, eh dahil sa gusto mo, kakainin mo pa rin hanggang sa mabusog ka.

 

Siguro sa ngayon, sisimulan ko ng sanayin ang sarili ko. Na kahit pala Pancit Canton na iyong nakasanayan mula pagkabata.. pwede pa lang mawala.

 

-burrrpppp! Nabusog ako. 🙂

A letter to Corazon

Dear Corazon,

(To whoever who’s reading this, she’s my aunt: a friend of mom)

I am situated in a jeepney, sitting and waiting for this four-wheel vehicle to arrive at my destination. While I was trying to send a message and to send a reply from yours, my tears just can’t help it but to burst. And all your hardships, efforts, care, love and support were like freaking thunders that kept on flashing my head. You’ve fulfilled and still fulfilling my dreams and plans.. Biologically speaking, you don’t even have a single strand of my complicated DNA. But there you are, you’re another mom who loves me like your own. If only I could look back and make a list of all the things I could say thank you for? I would. It’s just that my blog isn’t enough to have that list. And I need a lifetime to write it down. But I’ll take this very moment, to say thank you simply because you love me that much. And we both know why words are not enough to express what I meant when I said that. Just because. 🙂

Thank you for giving me a life. I love you. :*

Your daughter,

Apple ❤

Don’t. Ask. Me. Why.

When you asked me why, you’ve never gotten a single answer from me. And I don’t think you deserve one now. I don’t owe you any explanation either. Because it’s bright and glaring, man? Come on..

It’s. Your. Fucking. Pride. And. Ego. That. Enlarged. The. WHY’s..

(Ang makita kong lumuluha ang pinakaimportanteng babae sa buhay ko, lalong nanginginig ang bawat kalamnan ko sa poot..lalong umiikli ang bawat paghinga..lalong nanlilisik ang mata..lalo kong sinasabi sa sarili kong: BAWAL KA NA MAGPAHINGA. DAHIL HINDI NA AKMA ANG MGA SALITANG MAGTIWALA AT UMASA SA KANYA. HINDI RIN NAMAN DAHIL SA WALA SIYANG KWENTA, HINDI NIYA LANG MAINTINDIHAN NA MINSAN OKAY LANG IBABA ANG PRIDE, KAYSA MAGMUKHANG TANGA.)

😥 😥 😥 Ayaw kitang kausap. Kung pwede ko lang ipagsigawang: Tngn@#%*¥ Kumilos ka naaaa!!! Pero pakiramdam ko walang saysay. 😥 para ‘kong iniipit ng dalawang naguumpugang bato. Na habang tumatagal, unti unting pinapatay ang mga natitirang magagandang pagtingin ko sa mga bagay bagay. 😥

Somebody asked me today..

“Masaya ka ba sa Team natin?”

Sabi ko, “Oo, naman.”

Napangiti siya dahil parang hindi naman. Sabi ko, oo talaga.

Dahil kung alam mo lang kung paano ko nilalayo ng oras ko inyo sa lahat ng stupid pain na ‘to. . Then maybe you’ll understand how happy I am to get myself free from “all of it”..

Kahit 12hrs lang. 😦